It’s hard to see a friend or acquaintance in emotional pain or sorrow. It’s even harder to SIT with our friends while they work out whatever is going on.
Yet there is an extremist belief amongst some churches where negative emotions “are not of God”. Therefore, if someone is depressed, grieving, anxious, angry or anything other than happy and loving, they are made to believe they are “in sin”, “lack faith”, or worse, they have “demons” that need to be exorcised.
However, in the book of Ecclesiastes, it states that we all move through various seasons and emotions in life. It is all part of being human. For instance, in Ephesians, we are told not to sin in our anger. (Eph 4:6). But no where in the bible does it say Christians are not allowed to be angry (or sad, disappointed, nervous, etc.) For instance, there is a righteous anger that rises up in all of us for unjust acts perpetrated upon us and others, in which we should be angry. Emotions, even negative emotions are God given. It’s what we DO with our emotions that can be damaging.
We all move through “seasons” in life: During the “summers” of our lives, we hear from God and feel very close to Him. In the “winters” of life, we feel distant, and wonder why we aren’t hearing from God so much. The reasons are as numerous as grains of sand and God knows every single one Himself. But whatever the reason for our winters, springs, summers and falls, so long as we hang onto God as Savior and don’t turn away from Him, He will carry us through our difficult times.
The important thing to know is that when a friend is feeling lonely, depressed and hurt, the best thing we can do is “sit in the mud” with them. If they want to talk it out, let them, if they need a good cry, offer your shoulder. Sometimes even just sitting together in silence is good for the soul. For it is in the grieving that healing comes. It is the pouring out of one’s heart without judgment or “quick fix answers” that one can often climb out of the darkness. Without an outlet for “negative emotions”, a person is left to stew in their own misery, and it’s much more difficult to make it out
I speak from my own experience. Several years ago I had a friend who was going through a horrible time in her life. She was new to our church, and had been wounded in her past. She wanted healing more than anyone I had ever met. She knew in her heart of hearts God could heal her, and she sought His healing heartily, even though her past haunted her. The church she left, in their honest attempt to help her, “exorcised” her of “demons of depression” and “demons of fear”. Church members held her down, poured oil on her, made her recite scripture.
Other people, not quite sure how to handle such strong emotions, told her to simply “snap out of it”, “let it go”, or “God must be punishing you for some sin. Repent now!”
They meant well. But they went about it all wrong.
She knew she was not demonized or being punished. What she needed was a compassionate ear to hear her story, to validate her feelings, to acknowledge her past. And in that – her healing began. Over a few years, counseling, and the tender friendship from me and others, the Son broke through into her winter of distress. The shackles of her past fell off her body. The fear, anger and depression lifted. Summer came. Christ broke through! To see her today – you would never know from where she came or how far.
I share this story as a personal testimony. Everyone has their giftings in different areas. Some are called to teach, heal, be intercessors or prophesiers. Others have gifts of compassion or hospitality. There are numerous gifts listed in the bible.
Having the gift of compassion, I was able to “sit in the mud” with my friend. And God used our friendship to eventually bring about healing in her life.
My encouragement to you is: Are you using your gifts? Do you know what they are? If you don’t know, find out what they are and God will open a whole new world to you in which you can be used greatly even in the small stuff. It’s not always easy, whatever your gifting may be. But you will find it tremendously rewarding when you can look back and see how God used little ol’ you in His great big plan!
Prayer request: For those who are hurting, do not give up. God hears your cries, He is sending help! Until then, hang on – because He’s hanging onto YOU!
Prayer: Father we ask you to draw close to those who are hurting, Bring Your comfort and peace to those who are troubled and are in despair. Help us, Your church, to reach out with our gifts to those in need. Help us to find out what our gifts are, and then glorify You by using them to build up the body of believers. Amen
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